19 months ago, on 4/18/16 my life changed forever when I decided to take the initiative to convert a poorly constructed sleeve to roux-n-y gastric bypass with a completely different surgeon in a completely different state. I knew when I met with Dr. Schumacher I weighed close to 250 and I knew that even though I would have LOVED to achieve a final goal weight of 157, I didn’t want to be to unrealistic, so I asked him if I would be able to get somewhere between 180-185? And he said yes. When I pushed him to give me a “goal weight” he hesitantly said I could get somewhere between 155-165. Now at 19 months post op I realize why he was hesitant to nail down a “number”.
You see, every person is DIFFERENT……period.
What one women’s body can achieve by way of weight loss may not be true for another woman’s body.
I have been a slave to the scale, focusing solely on some stupid number for the last 19 months. Watching 190 come and go, watching 187 come and go. Honestly, taking those milestones for granted and not relishing in them.
Then Jeff and I went to Jamaica for our anniversary and it was the first time I didn’t get on a scale for 6 days in a row, I ate with wild abandon and didn’t exercise.
I was quickly body slammed with the reality, once we returned, that yep I gained weight, mostly water weight, but weight nonetheless, so eating like crap is definitely out, plus I didn’t feel good, was it fun? For about 10 minutes, but then seriously…..FELT LIKE CRAP!!!!. My body physically hurt from being inactive, so not exercising was out because that to made me feel like garbage.
But here’s the kicker of the scale, and I know this because I’ve gone through seasons of weighing, EVERY.SINGLE.DAY for the last year plus…..I am EASILY maintaining between 184-186 currently AND I’m tired.
I’m tired of stepping on the scale and still seeing the 180s
What does that mean?
It means my focus is shifting…..
Shifting away from the scale TOWARD things that matter
How does my body feel?
Truth be told, I like heavy goblet squats because I can walk passed a mirror wearing tight yoga pants and think, “dang girl your butt looks good” and honestly that’s a big sigh of relief because prior to lifting heavy weights or squats or walking lunges, my butt was NONEXISTENT!!! Seriously, I was probably the only girl on the planet that weighed 315 with a flat butt!!
The two fitness goals I told my surgeon I wanted to accomplish in 2016 were to run a 5K, something that I realize now can’t happen simply because my body won’t allow it this side of the stroke I suffered in 2009. I have to many left side deficits that hinder me and cause debilitating pain. The second was to become a competitive powerlifter, and the verdict is still out on this goal, but something I realized this passed week while I was sucking it up and focusing solely on cardio in the gym is that I HATE cardio only workouts. Sure cardio has it’s place and especially if you are just starting out on your journey, but my journey began in 2014 and at this point almost 4 years later I’m just over cardio.
Something I have been doing since 9/4/17 is a weight lifting program called Stronglifts 5×5 and while I haven’t been following it to the letter I do really enjoy it. Since I started it, I’ve lost some serious inches throughout my body, like 5 inches in my chest, 3.5 in my waist, 1 in my bicep, 1thigh, 1 calf, ½ in my neck. I never really understood fully what inches truly mean, but I’m slowly grasping how this means so much more on the scale of success than the stupid scale. Inches, for me, mean that at 186 I can comfortably wear a size 10 non stretchy jeans and even an 8 in some brands…..an EIGHT!!!! What the heck!!! I wear a size SMALL in danskin now leggings…..LEGGINGS people….SMALL!!!!! this is coming from a girl who used to exclusively shop at Lane Bryant or Cato because there was no way I was wearing anything smaller than a size 22 in STRETCHY type jeans and completely forget about leggings because my legs looked like tree trunks, so yep you could say that I’ve decided to measure my level of success differently now.
Someone posed this question a couple of months ago.
How would you define success if scales didn’t exist?
This question has haunted me and continues to, but more importantly it drives me. I believe it was a God inspired moment in time in my life to get me to stop and re-examine my priorities.
How I would measure my success is by…
- Showing up to life, EVERY.SINGLE. DAY., meaning, for me, hitting the gym because this is where I feel happy and alive, even if currently I’ve hit a wall and am looking for something new…..but I digress.
- Identifying myself as an athlete, someone who is competitive whether that be self driven or team oriented, but puts in the work and effort even when somedays you don’t feel like it.
- Looking in the mirror and being proud of my current accomplishments and not critical of some future unobtained goal.
- Being satisfied but slightly hungry for more.
So 19 months later and my headspace is becoming more clearly defined and for this I am so extremely thankful to God for His continued grace and mercy toward me!!