I had a major revelation today. You see, I’ve been beating myself up about gaining 3.5lbs over Thanksgiving. Punishing myself mentally since I realized what had happened and WAY overthinking Christmas and being surrounded by family and triggers AGAIN. This thinking along with my gain has had me panicked and anxious. I don’t like myself when I get caught up in this place, but it’s been where I’ve been living since we got back from Michigan aka Thanksgiving.
That is until yesterday
You see there are two places that God usually really grabs my attention, both are when I least expect it
The first is in the shower and the second is during cardio at the gym.
It never fails.
Anyway, I was doing my cardio, beating myself into the ground really trying to run 4 days a week vs the 3 that the Couch to 5K app suggests, thinking that this would somehow magically help the gain fall off. Because the day before, I shared on FB about my gain and a long-time bypass person commented about how it just won’t fall off as easily especially as I move out of the honeymoon period and that one comment sent me on a collision course in my brain. I began to WAY overthink EVERYTHING!!!!
So back to my cardio session…..
There I am running, with an increased pace, which was killing me btw. And immediately, as I struggled through my run, the thought hit me, “I am NOT enjoying any part of this run AT ALL!!!” and I thought, “what the heck are you doing Angie? Seriously you are punishing yourself and now losing the love and joy you once had for running, for what? For 3.5lbs? Yes you made a HUGE mistake, but food isn’t the enemy here, veering off course and the plan that your surgeon and program have set out is where you mis-stepped. This revelation, which I FULLY attribute to the hand of God, struck mef…. who do I want to be this time around?
So I came up with this….
I’m a girl who has lost a boat load of weight and shoot I weigh 187…..187!!!! I honestly, can’t remember when I ever weighed his in my life, that’s first
Second, I’ll get to 165, why? Because my surgeon says I will and I trust him…. bottom line.
I’m a girl who doesn’t want to sit around and rely solely on her amazing tool to get the rest of this weight off. Nope, I’ll be an active participant in this journey. But what does that mean?
Well for now, it means I’ll be running 3 days a week, using the C25K app on the treadmill. For two major reasons: 1) my vision 2) I’m scared to run outside at this point.
I’ll advance through the app as I feel comfortable and will increase my speed as I feel comfortable, but for now a pace of 5.0 on the treadmill is good.
I will continue to lift weights, but only 5 days a week vs. 6. Before when I was “dieting” to get myself fit I was in the gym 6 days a week, which meant lifting weights 6 days a week and an hour of cardio 6 days a week, NO MORE EVER!!!! This just isn’t sustainable for me long term. I need to find what works now. I’ve run this all by my program’s exercise guy and his words? “you are definitely not the typical bariatric patient I see” HA HA nope guess being physically sick (beyond obesity) for years and years will do that to a person!!
AND since I HATE the fact that my gym doesn’t open on Saturdays until 7pm, not to mention, I can’t stand the Saturday morning crowd. I’ll now be taking Saturday AND Sunday OFF. With my BP issues, I may need to walk the block until it gets too cold and then at the time re-evaluate and possibly do a workout dvd, we’ll see though.
As far as nutrition, I absolutely refuse to get tripped up by the people out there who tell me when and how their hunger came back. At this point, mine hasn’t. It may, it may not. Who knows, but at this point, my surgeon doesn’t even SO just because yours did, doesn’t mean mine will EXACTLY when and like how yours did. I’m just DONE listening…..DONE…..I REFUSE to get tripped up in FB nonsense groups and unneeded advice again, nope not this time.
SO I’ll be adhering to my program’s guidelines
So don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here figuring out me, especially since one size doesn’t NOT fit all on this WLS journey!!