Today is my 42nd birthday, if you would have asked my husband if I would have lived to see my 36th birthday, he wouldn’t have been sure. I just had turned 35 in November then suffered a massive brain bleed less than one month after that. Yep, my life has been riddled with health trauma. It’s been a roller coaster,
I can honestly say, today is a new day,
this is a new year
I’m excited for all that God has laid before me in my 42nd year of life.
I feel so incredibly thankful that my Heavenly Father would not only allow me to walk into this stage of my life, but to begin to thrive, for the first time in years and years. I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been, in this moment, in this space in this gigantic thing we call life.
No more Angie who overthinks and is anxious about EVERY little detail!!
It was today actually, while on the treadmill, running that this thought hit me hard, but reinforced a Scripture that God laid on my heart for this day, this morning. Matthew 9: 16-17, which says, “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17 Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”
God spoke LOUDLY to me this morning and immediately made me think of last night’s situation where my husband felt REALLY uncomfortable that 1) we weren’t sitting down to a “nice” dinner for my birthday celebration and 2) that I didn’t want to stick candles in a cake and blow them out.
Mostly I think he was uncomfortable because he had been outside ALL day doing yard work, so I tried my own sugar free dessert without any pomp and circumstance and honestly by the time he came in and realized that I was almost ready for bed.
He felt bad,
It took a TON of pressure off me to not have to conform to old patterns or try to pour new wine into an old wineskin.
It worked for me.
The area that I see this new change come is in obsessively tracking numbers.
See, if you’ve followed my journey since the beginning you know that I went through a period with the sleeve surgery where I OBESSVELY counted calories and tied VERY closely the pounds I lost with the number of calories I burned in the gym. Suddenly the gym/fitness/exercise wasn’t about enjoyment or even health, it was just a means for reaching a goal of obtaining some mythical number. A number, my sleeve surgeon was very honest saying I wouldn’t reach. (of course not since she only removed 5% of my stomach, but I’m letting that one go, God’s got me on that) So in an effort, to “prove her wrong” I morphed into this version of myself that I hated, I hated my body, I hated my life, honestly I was a pretty miserable person, under tremendous stress with a husband in college finishing his senior year, an impeding move out of state, homeschooling my kids. It was just not a pretty internal battle I was dealing with at that time.
But today, as I was running my next week’s “longest” run of 10 minutes at a time on the Couch to 5K app, this thought hit me……
My chest strap stopped tracking my heart rate which means no calorie information (or so I thought because it seemed low while I was running)
It just doesn’t matter how many calories I’m burning right now,
I AM HAPPY.
I FEEL GOOD.
I LOVE FINALLY accomplishing this amazing goal of running (which I’ve been working on since 2012, btw) plus I LOVE my surgeon and trust him. He says I’ll get to 155-165 I’m good with that. It’s amazing what God can do in such a short amount of time. May I always be open to His truth and how He sees me.
So, watch out world I fully intend to embrace this new year of life, not hating my body, not feeling like exercise is a punishment, not being afraid of food. I fully intend to embrace every ounce of life in every second that I am given on this earth!!