Unbecoming

After 1 ½ cups of coffee this morning I think I’m ready to write my first blog post from Illinois. Just saying that sentence makes me smile and kinda chuckle inside a bit. Illinois. NEVER in a million years would I have thought we’d live here, but I have to admit, I’m pleasantly surprised at how much I love this little suburb of Chicago we’ve found. I actually really love it here, so far.

Of course, it’s all new and time will tell,

BUT I’m choosing to embrace this new chapter of life with a renewed commitment to becoming the woman God has created me to be.

This leads me to today’s post. I came across a meme yesterday that read, “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe, it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant in the first place” I LOVE this so much!! You see as I look back over the last 2 years of my life I realize that I morphed into this version of myself that I did NOT like at all. This woman who was suddenly obsessed with numbers, what the scale read, how my body felt after a workout, meaning if I felt really sore then I must be losing weight, VERY compulsive. You see when I had the sleeve and my surgeon told me I wouldn’t get below 222 with the sleeve that just really messed with my head, more than I really realized UNTIL I revised to rny and my new surgeon said I’d get to 155-165 based on the size of his pouch and with 30 mins of activity, my new problem became the fact that I am a creature of habit and prior to my revision, my habit had already become very dysfunctional, so I just continued with that dysfunctional habit, not because I didn’t believe him, in fact, quite the opposite. I just hadn’t dealt with this dysfunctional habit until my 3-month post op appointment.

As I’m sitting with my surgeon’s exercise physiologist  I found myself telling him that I feel very burnt out with my current work out regimen that my six day a week gym routine needed to change, he did say to me, “it sounds like you may have an exercise addiction” NOW he was NOT scolding me or shaming me in ANY way, I shared this on my Facebook page and a girl who is a ‘new’ bariatric friend, who is also a revision from sleeve to rny around the same time as me and is below 200 pounds, commented on a post I asked a question in a WLS revision FB group, throwing this back in my face BECAUSE she had read what my exercise physiologist said to me from my status. She said something like, “maybe you’re not under 200 BECAUSE you’re exercising too much, weren’t you told you have an exercise addiction? Something like that, sure it stung, BUT a couple of thoughts here…..yes she “beat” me to getting under 200 pounds quicker than I got there, BUT she is just now in a size 12 and I’m swimming in them, I’m easily in a size 8 and on my bloated days in a size 10, so guess what? That exercise addiction that she was throwing back in my face, it has done that, NOT the surgery!!! BECAUSE muscle weighs MORE than fat and fat will never squeeze into a smaller size, BECAUSE muscle takes up less space than fat, therefore when you have more muscle you may weigh more, but you’ll wear SMALLER sizes in clothes.

Now this whole situation DID cause me to sharpen and define more accurately what I want my gym purpose and workouts to accomplish and I’ll get there in a second as well.

God has been so kind and generous to me, in gently nudging me out of this dysfunctional thinking/habits. He started to put His finger on it in Ohio, but He stepped it up a notch in Illinois and for this I am beyond thankful. This morning, I read Philippians 4:4-8 and I was really struck by it, it reads:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 

This is the Angie I was created to be, to live in this constant state of gentleness (yes I fail every.single.day at this), to offer thanksgiving and not to be anxious about anything. WOW, did you catch that?

Not to be anxious about anything!!! I confess I’ve been nothing BUT anxious,

well guess what that ends NOW!!!!

 

That leads me to my “new goals”

Ø  I told myself once I got under 200 pounds I would commit to ONLY weighing ONCE a week, regardless of what the scale says on my weigh in day!! So this week I AM weighing in on Wednesday AND Friday for the SOLE purpose of determining which day I want to choose as my “weigh in” days. This is already a step in the right direction as I was weighing starting on Wednesday and weighing EVERY DAY through Saturday, so while it may not seem like a big deal to you, it’s a pretty big deal to me J

 

Ø  Once my kids are easily settled into their new school routine, I plan to switch up my gym workout routines and at this point I’m not sure how that will look. It may look like Andrew (exercise physiologist) suggested for option 1 which would still put me in the gym 6 days a week with lifting weights only on 3 days, no cardio on those days and the other 3 days would be cardio only days with no weight lifting OR it may be only 3 days in the gym with weights and cardio on those days it’s honestly going to depend on how my new life routine shakes out with my kid’s school because part of what’s required at their school is that I have to volunteer 10-15 hours a week. I find out next Tuesday what exactly that entails so that will dictate how my workouts are structured. BUT my priorities are shifting for sure and my kids are growing up FAST so being able to possibly see them in their school during the week definitely outweighs my workouts.

 

Ø  I’m learning to listen to my body more closely. This is a HUGE milestone for me!! HUGE actually. For example, when I was so focused on the number, I would work out to injury, forgo a rest day in order to burn more than I was eating, it was INSANE!!!!  But as I write this, I’ve taken today OFF the gym, it’s Wednesday, because in all honesty, I am exhausted, this move and setting up my home has taken a toll on my body and my body has said today, STOP, so I listened. I am home today, enjoying my kids, blogging, going to make cookies and watch movies with my kiddos who start school next week. I’m learning to stop and smell the roses a little more frequently. I want to live in the daily moments of life and not miss opportunities to draw nearer to God

 

And finally my biggest and number one priority is nurturing and reconnecting with God, my Father. I miss Him. I miss who I am when I am in His daily Word and presence. I like that Angie. I like the wife and mom I am when I live there as much as possible!!

 

So this is where I’m currently at. I will blog another day about my actual gym/workout goals once I fully figure those out, but in the meantime, this will give you a glimpse into the new direction my life is taking. As always thanks for reading my blog, I appreciate it more than you will every know!!IMG_9191

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