Ode to the Loss

So this really crazy, exciting, mind blowing thing happened this morning…….

I weighed and I’m officially down 110lbs since my highest weight of 315, WHAT?!?!!? This is CRAZY incredible to me!!! NUTS and I love every second of it absolutely love it, but honestly I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other on this wild ride without my relationship with Jesus, truly this is the honest truth.

I seriously couldn’t.

He’s been the one person I’ve shared my deepest fears and joys with….

every second of every day

He’s the person who’s lead me on this wild, crazy incredible ride!!

So without Him, the number today is meaningless. So I just had to get that off my chest first and foremost…..

 

Speaking of chest……

mine is GONE…..

like adios

It’s so funny because last week as I was putting on my, at one time rather tight fitting (because that’s how I like them) sports bra in the morning, I thought, “hmmm that’s weird, these feel a little loose” then I looked at a picture I took of myself later in the day and low and behold I’ve barely got any boobs left. So I thought I’d take today’s blog post to share some lighthearted insight into my crazy journey and share how I’m noticing my body morph into something it hasn’t been in a VERY.LONG. TIME…..

 

Boobs……gone.

Yep, flat, deflated, just plain ole bubye, the major thing I’ve noticed is that my back and neck don’t hurt as much because I’m not carrying around DDs and I like it….a lot!! When I wasn’t obese but just a normal size girl I was proportionate so I’m looking forward to getting back there.

Sure I’ll probably need a little help from a surgical professional at some point in the future, but I can tell you this. It will NOT be to get implants and get back up to some crazy size again. I like being a little less busty, it suits me and all my athletic goals. No I’ll definitely need a lift as these girls are about dragging on the floor, but that’s all the help I’ll need in this area, thank you very much!!

 

Another thing, when you weigh 300lbs, you just sit on your butt without thinking anything about it. Seriously, your bigger struggle is moving, NOT sitting. Today, at 204, my butt HURTS when I sit for too long, now don’t get me wrong, I am NOT complaining, at all, it’s just something that I’m noticing. I shift a lot in my seat, at church, in the car, at a restaurant, at the movies, because my butt hurts. I guess I’ve lost a majority of any butt fat and I’ve ALWAYS had a flat butt because I carry my weight in my stomach, but OUCH my butt hurts now if I sit for more than 5 minutes. I like to think it’s because I’m so active and it’s my body’s way of saying, “hey Angie quit being lazy!! Get up and move chick”

 

Something that I am ABSOULTELY over the moon thankful for that I can’t even begin to fully put into words is the fact that as a part of this new RNY (aka: bypass) experience is that I have absolutely NO hunger…..none

 

While this is a major blessing it’s also one of my biggest fears on this crazy ride, that it’ll return with a vengeance and trust me the enemy uses it to taunt me, so I have to fight my mind daily and remind myself that each day is a gift and each day without hunger is a bigger gift. But you see, I embarked on this crazy weight loss surgery journey for this very reason, to eliminate hunger from my life, if at all possible.

It was my arch nemesis.

I hated feeling constantly hungry and easily being able to pack away thousands upon thousands of calories in one sitting, while being non active and having no self-control, it quickly packed on my weight. Couple that with depression from all the health issues I was going through at the time and I was a 315-pound mess of a woman.

So today I am over-the-moon thankful for my activity level and the complete absence of hunger.

I don’t know when or if it’ll return and I’m choosing not to worry or focus on that either. I’m going to trust that God knows exactly what I need when I need it and He’ll open or shut whatever door He deems fit in my life. So for now I’m enjoying this fun part of this journey….the no hunger zone!!

Yes this journey has been a while ride so far and I seriously can’t believe I’m almost out the 200s, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t see a 2 in front of the number on the scale. You better believe when that day hits I will be SCREAMING and SHOUTING every place on social media, I’ve been chasing this goal for more than 2 and a half years so to have it this close within my reach I can almost taste it!! Of course, outside of the rny or my incredible surgeon NO it wouldn’t have been possible. I was on a plan in Houston and I was only gaining and gaining more weight. This has been the only thing that I can look at and say, yes this is working for me. Again I’m just so thankful. So this post is all about my ode to my losses and while that may seem bad, trust me, it’s all very very good!!IMG_8043

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