Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~Philippians 4:8
I tend to be an over thinker.
I know this is no shock to my readers and it really shouldn’t be a shock to me either, but for some reason this last week I got really caught up in overthinking this journey I’m currently on.
So wrapped up that I started doubting that weight loss would continue the way that it has been.
I’ve hit a milestone, if you will, I’ve lost down to almost my lowest sleeve weight of 206.
I’m sitting right at 207, 3 months’ post op revision to RNY from sleeve and it had me so freaked out last week of failing that I almost couldn’t function. I started thinking of taking desperate measures like “I’ll just stop eating altogether for a while, this will make it so I am sure to lose the weight and the weight loss won’t stop”
I know this is stupid irrational thinking and NO I didn’t stop eating, I fought through it BECAUSE and only BECAUSE I reached out in a bariatric forum and sought advice AND because throughout this journey I talk to God like literally all throughout the day. I may have a weirder relationship with God than most, I don’t have this “set in stone” prayer time where it looks a certain way and I go into a space and fully focus on just Him, although there are seasons when I do, but they are rare, instead I have this ongoing dialogue throughout the day with Him and personally I rather enjoy it!
So through last week’s struggle of feeling like everything was about to end, that my lowest weight I would ever realize would be 207, I had been having this ongoing conversation with God and then BAM, like He always does He showed me yet again that it has NOTHING to do with me, or my surgeon or my circumstances, but that it’s all in His control and that He has a plan and purpose for my life, even if in this fleeting millisecond I can’t see it.
I was driving to Jackson, Ohio to pick up my prescription (realize this drive is about 30 miles one way and this time in the van alone is precious time BECAUSE I can put on worship music and worship my God uninterrupted for 60 minutes and it’s a sweet, sweet time for me. Well I was playing this playlist that I absolutely love and listening to a song that I love that I’ve heard a million times before but something about that day, in the midst of my current struggle did the Lord use it to minister to me greatly. I will post a link to the YouTube video on this blog so that you can listen to it, but the song is a Bethel song called Be Still and the line that God used in a new and mighty way in my life goes like this:
“Be Still my heart and know that you are God alone, stop thinking so much and just let go….”
I KNOW RIGHT?!!!!
Stop thinking so much and just let go?
Seriously Lord? He couldn’t have hit me more squarely in the eyes with that line. It was like He was saying directly to my heart, “Angie I’ve got this journey all laid out for you, STOP thinking so much and just let go”
Me: “OK Lord, OK”
So this is me saying a few things:
- I’m done worrying about the number on the scale. It may not inch another hair (although I believe it will because my surgeon believes it will AND I believe that God directed me to my surgeon so therefore I believe it will!)
- The things that matter most in this life are my relationship with God and family, all the rest will come. If my mind isn’t squared away, then I’m sunk. So while this journey outwardly looks physical, I believe the next few months the real work will be the mental undertaking that I’m about to full embark upon **stay tuned**
This is a new season for me, the old has gone and I’m on the verge of something new and I’m excited not because of anything I’ve done for myself, but because with God all things are possible and that my friends is worth more than anything else that I’m pursuing