The Learning Process: A Win

In the middle of the stressful situation that I currently find myself in AND the fact that once again I’m desperately struggling with constipation it just seems that every little thing “sets” me off right now. I’ve just been a grouch; I think mostly because I’m bearing the brunt of my dad’s harsh tones. WOW I didn’t realize how hypersensitive his varying degrees of harsh tones affects me, but 2 days ago while I was driving home from the hospital, spending some time with God, listening to Lisa Revere’s CDS, I knew that this is exactly why I tend to hyper react to Jeff’s tones, even if they aren’t really tones per say, I’m sure they are and this is because my ENTIRE life I’ve had to self-protect and try to figure out what my dad was trying to communicate with me via his “tones”

God revealed this to me, on the way home from the hospital this revelation, and the fact that in the midst of this stress, I’ve been “taking it out” on Jeff, poor guy. I felt convicted that I came home and asked Jeff to forgive me. Thankfully, he’s a gracious and compassionate man and he did. I believe this is why for 15 years we’ve made it this far!

Something else I’m learning during this intensely stressful situation is my desperate need to let things “roll off my back” WOW I suck at this, what am I talking about?

My SISTER….

Shortly after all her drama surrounding my grandma’s Hospice stay and then eventual death, I left Sandusky in September convinced that my interaction with my sister would change drastically for MY sanity and peace of mind, so I erected STRONG boundaries such as blocking her on Facebook, but she beat me to blocking on Instagram and since my IG was public I knew that she could lurk around there and find out information about me and she did.

She knew that I had had bypass. But thankfully, since I had a new phone, she doesn’t have my new phone number and I put my parents on high alert that I absolutely under NO circumstances want her to have my phone number, telling anyone with my number that if it’s given to her, I will no longer communicate with them. Alicia lives her life polar opposite to mine and I’m tired of filling a parental role for her and refuse to do it any longer. We’ve had a VERY dysfunctional relationship that has looked “normal” on the outside, but she blames me for pretty much everything from transferring to her college and stealing all of her friends, to even having brain tumor and needing my family to help out saying “everyone caters to Angie”

well guess what?!,

I don’t need that type of person in my life. I wouldn’t allow a friend to treat me this way so WHY would I allow a family member too?

In this situation blood isn’t thicker than water. If I could put my request in with God to have NEVER had a brain tumor or a stroke you better believe those were two life hardships I would have liked to avoid, but they were outside my control but apparently in Alicia’s view that’s me being selfish, again her opinion and she’s entitled to it, I just adamantly disagree!!

So when I posted a picture of my dad in the hospital and she somehow got that information from MY Facebook that she is blocked on, I was baffled, thinking one of our mutual friends was feeding her information.

Oh didn’t I mention that about 6 months ago, when she wasn’t blocked on my Facebook and I didn’t have strong privacy settings, she stole or friended rather over 300 of my FB friends, anywhere from bariatric friends to my bodybuilder trainer from Houston in 2014, not sure what that was all about, other than she now sells itWorks crap and maybe she was trying to enhance her business?

Maybe?

Regardless it makes untangling our mutual friends VERY difficult and perhaps that was her intention, I don’t know, nor do I really care.

But with this latest, in my opinion, violation of my boundaries and privacy she somehow not only stole a picture from, what I thought was my Facebook, of my dad in the hospital. At first I was really ticked off, but then a FB friend AND my husband basically said “who cares Angie?” Then another FB friend who’s a computer guru figured out the leaky source and in the end I was probably providing her access to my

information.

Sooooo that has been fixed, she’s still blocked on FB and she still doesn’t have my phone number and as far as the pictures she’s stolen from me, I am going to choose to say, “oh well”

The reality is IF she was so concerned about my dad, she’d be calling him EVERY day to check on him and she’s not because in the end Alicia only does what benefits Alicia and again that’s her prerogative and if she needs to stay up-to-date on our family through ME, well “oh well” I can only put into place the boundaries for myself and learn to let go and ease up on any illusion of control I think I have.

I guess it’s all part of my learning process and I can say I’m a heck of a lot further down the road than I was this time last year or even 2 years ago so I see that as a win!!

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