Respect the Tool

I was talking to a Missouri friend today who was asking me how things were going since my surgery. I found myself complaining to her about not being able to advance my diet and just not “getting” it yet on anything related to RNY.

She said to me,” this whole experience is like relearning for you” and it struck me…. she was right!

Even though I had the sleeve, it was really like I didn’t have a WLS because I didn’t have to eat slowly with it because at the end of the day, I had a near normal capacity stomach. I ate LARGE portions; I didn’t wait to drink 30 minutes after like RNY. I didn’t HAVE to really follow any rules and that’s where I lost out on the learning process.

Now granted because my weight loss stalled on me at 245, I quickly learned about proper nutrition like clean carbs, high protein, no sugar and BAM my body started losing again. Also in that time frame I learned how to lift weights and fell immediately in love with how awesome my body was transforming. So I can’t say all was lost because it definitely wasn’t. It’s been hard for me to not seek out some form of justice in relation to my Missouri bariatric surgeon, but any avenue I’ve looked at legally, that door has been shut. So I believe that God has not only used my experience with an improper sleeve to teach me about nutrition and exercise but also about letting things go and this is something I’ve always sucked at!! I’ve decided to let it go when it comes to Dr. Lisa Martin-Hawver and the irony in this statement is that shortly after I called her office to ask how much of my stomach she removed, I received a certified letter in the mail from her basically stating that since I haven’t followed up with her in 2 years, she’s no longer my surgeon… duh? You think, I left your program 6 months after my sleeve because you and your program manager were heinous to deal with!!

So funny to me that this was her response and so funny to me that I can’t sue her butt, BUT while I would normally let this eat me alive, I’ve decided to listen to my grandma Lewis’s constant advice “Angie think positive!!” this was her mantra and I didn’t understand it and probably don’t fully yet. BUT if I am to think positive about my sleeve experience, I would say the positives that came from it were the fact that because I had a near normal size stomach I could eats loads of fresh fruits and vegetables and high protein and because of this I was able to lose 108lbs at one point.

Sure I gained 40ish pounds back, I mean who wouldn’t when you are dieting and exercising and still morbidly obese? It’s pretty common, of course looking back I remember feeling like such a failure at that time, thinking I sucked at WLS, I was a failure at it etc. But the reality is that my surgeon, Dr. Lisa Martin-Hawver sucked at being a decent Bariatric surgeon, it had nothing to do with me, other than I chose to hire her, but that’s s whole different story and not the point of this post.

The point of this post is that for the first time since I sought out a bariatric consult in 2013, I am FINALLY a bariatric patient, I FINALLY belong to this group of people and when I say this I mean, FINALLY I can’t overeat because if I do I’ll puke. I  I FINALLY have absolutely NO hunger, one major reason I pursued WLS in 2013 to begin with!! FINALLY weight is melting off me the way it should have all along, but the beauty in these new revelations is that along this crazy journey I learned about food and how it affects my body and no amount of WLS will change that. Sure I love bad carbs like anyone else. I love French fries, potato chips, cookies, candy bars etc and even though during my sleeve I could manipulate my diet to include things like an occasional “cheat”, I gained weight!! My PCOS body likes those things too, so much so that just thinking about them, I swear I gain weight. I’ve decided while I’m in the rapid weight loss period following bypass which is typically the first 18-24 months, I will NOT be cheating in any form. No alcohol, no sweets, no fast food crap. No! This is because I will NOT FAIL this time. I will embrace this new life that I’ve gotten myself into and I will hit my surgeon’s goal which is between 155-165!!  I like my sugar free body. I like how it feels and how I feel and it’s not worth the sacrifice. I will respect my tool for as long as humanly possible. I will obtain a healthy weight for my frame and I hope I’ll be able to come off as many BP meds as humanly possible (of course I also have family genetics that play into this as well) I will run a 5K this year (2016) and for the first time since 2013 I will realize some of my originals goals with this WLS. I feel so blessed that God lead my path to cross with my surgeon Dr. Schumacher. His program is leaps and bounds above and beyond that crappy Missouri bariatric surgeon…. hands down!!

As of today, I’m 224.8, 24.1lbs down from my revision day and I’m 90.2lbs down from my Highest Weight of 315. I’m between 69-79lbs from my surgeon’s goal for me and I’m approximately 68-80lbs from my personal goals. I’ll just be happy to be comfortably under 200lbs and once that happens, I just want to be healthy (meaning off as many BP meds as possible), able to run and be active. All of these things are more important to me than eating crap and I’m so incredibly thankful that I will realize these goals. So incredibly thankful for my new WLS tool, so you better believe I’ll be respecting it with all my might!!IMG_5562 (1)

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