One of my flaws is that I over-think and over- research EVERYTHING.
It’s been an ongoing struggle.
When we lived in Rolla, I was on constant vigil and it about drove me nuts!!
I didn’t even realize I was doing it again until yesterday hit.
See I learned in my bariatric class that using a topical NSAID cream can also put you at risk for gastric ulcers. I didn’t even think about telling my surgical team that I use a compound cream with NSAIDS in it, EVERY night on my feet for neuropathy. Well this put me in a spin cycle that I couldn’t mentally get out of! I mean I was calling doctors, messaging my surgeon, FREAKING OUT!!!! Then my wise husband said to me, “Angie what would you do if you developed neuropathy after you had bypass?” “We would figure it out” and it hit me just then….He is RIGHT!!! There are other options and thankfully my neuropathy isn’t so bad that I am crippled or can’t walk. On my worse nights, which are usually after leg day, I just increase my oral meds and call it a night. There’s other options too, like essential oils that I haven’t tried, so I have options for sure. That took a HUGE load off my mind and I was able to rest in that knowing everything will work out!
Then this morning, someone responded to a status I posted in a Gastric Bypass group saying, “And you’re starting to worry me with all your overthinking. You’re going to do great just resolve yourself to kick butt! You’ve got this girl and you got all of us cheering you on and we will support you!” This struck me because I hadn’t really even thought I was overthinking this surgery as much as it comes across. BUT I have been…..I mean I want to know common channel lengths and how effective this surgery will be etc, but I can’t know how effective it will be beforehand, it’s all going to be determined on how I follow my plan. I guess I feel like I got really screwed with the sleeve surgery in 2014, like I wasn’t prepared enough and truth be told I wasn’t!! I hadn’t research the heck out of my surgeon at the time or the surgery type. I just went back on family experience and location of surgeon, two HUGE mistakes!!! I guess there is a part of me that feels like if I can know every possible scenario going into this revision then my chances for a repeat performance are low. You see, I do NOT want another revision surgery after this one!! DO NOT!!!! Will NOT but this absolute thinking has driven me almost insane as I research every possible angle of it. However, at the end of the day, I need to let go and trust my surgeon and his team. Something I do implicitly! I’ve been given all the education I need post op, what to eat and how I might feel, which I still am having a hard time wrapping my brain around that a bite of yogurt could fill me up! One of my old “dieting” patterns in Rolla was to track EVERY calorie that went into my mouth. It consumed me, again this is part of my type A, over anxious personality type. And after meeting with my dietician in prep for this surgery on Monday, she said I don’t need to track calories, which blows my mind, instead to focus on protein, meeting my protein requirements and fluid requirements first and foremost. So where the rub comes for me is that I have this beautiful streak going on My Fitness Pal, where for 215 days, I’ve checked in everyday and tracked my food intake. I think this is going to be the final piece of the puzzle for me, to let go of checking in on mfp and instead write by hand everything that goes into my mouth. So I’ve decided to do that as well. I won’t deactivate my account or anything, afterall I’ve paid to have a premium subscription on there. But for now, right after surgery I’m going to move away from it until I can get my legs under me.
So all of this to say, I’m going to let go and STOP overthinking this new surgery like I have been. Today I’m going to trust that whatever common channel length my surgeon decides on will be perfectly fine for me. Today I see my surgeon for my last appointment before surgery on Monday.
This time I want to move forward with this surgery trusting my surgical team, trusting myself to follow the rules and believing I can do this!!