The Decision- My Mind is Made Up!!

wrong choices lead to right places

I knew I missed my grandma, but I didn’t realize how much until facing this bariatric revision surgery decision. You see, my grandma was someone I would call and bounce all my ideas off of and she wasn’t afraid to tell me exactly what she thought, even if she didn’t agree with me. That is EXACTLY what I’ve needed in these last 72 hours more than anything. I mean sure I can get on Facebook and jump into a DS group and hear all about the fabulousness of that surgery or I can jump into a Bypass group and hear how they are the cat’s meow, but no one is really saying what my grandma would say, “Angie I think this or I don’t think this is a good idea” etc. and I’ve desperately needed that, so this decision has been a monumental amount of torture and stress, so much so that I am breaking out in a rash from the stress.

It’s ridiculous!!

Then something fabulously remarkable happened yesterday. I was in a DS group and this self-righteous, holier than thou lady responded to my question, “do you think with a large sleeve, and not being re-sleeved that the switch part of the DS will be enough to get me under 200 pounds?”

Because you see, if I’m only going to lose like 25lbs with another major surgery it is NOT worth it to me, I’ll just stay at 240 and continue to work my butt off, shoot I’ve come this far, right?!

Anyway, after some snippy back n forth between her and I, her final comment is what rooted in my brain and ultimately helped make my decision.

She said, “Angie it sounds to me like you are rushing again and you are doing exactly what you did leading up to your sleeve surgery” something to that affect. What she was talking about was the fact that I’m not going to one of her Holier than Thou vetted DS surgeons and how even thou she’s disabled and lives a low income life she made plans and saved up to travel out of state to some miracle worker doctor….yada yada yada and you know what I say to her, “good for you, you might want to develop a personality and a little compassion if you are going to admin a bariatric group, but it doesn’t surprise me you are in the position of authority you are in” anyway….moving on

Her comment stuck with me and after a long heart to heart conversation with Jeff last night. I came to realize she was right about one thing……

I WAS jumping forward with a surgery I was dead set on having – this is exactly what I did in 2014 when I walked into Dr. Hawver’s office. You see, she had recommended I do the bypass, but I was dead set against it, no way no how was I going to do it, I wasn’t open to even exploring anything other than the sleeve and look where that’s landed me!!!

So fast forward 2 years and I am doing exactly the same thing again……only difference this time is the fact that I LOVE my surgeon and trust him implicitly.

Today he is NOT recommending the DS, he’s recommending the roux en y (aka bypass) and I am finding myself in the boat again where I’m thumbing my nose at his expertise saying, “nope I want the DS” but why? Why am I so adamantly against the bypass? This was Jeff’s question to me last night and truth is, the only reason I can come up with is because for many years my mom believed that a friend of hers failed at the bypass only until recently did I find out that it wasn’t the bypass it was the DS and so all the stereotypes I had been living with essentially my whole life were inaccurate.

Couple this revelation with the fact that I never really had a fair shake at restriction since my sleeve wasn’t done properly and only 20% of my stomach was removed…..

These major revelations hit me last night

  1. My surgeon is recommending the roux for me, going as far as saying, “if you were my wife I would recommend the bypass over the DS for you”
  2. While I have thought I was against the idea of a “pouch” stomach, I feel like I’m basically walking into this bariatric surgery a newbie. I have most of my stomach intact, so if I were to take the sleeve out of the equation and be starting from scratch (because that’s basically what I’m doing) I want to be given a fair shake at restriction AND malabsorption and sure I could be re-sleeved and do the DS, but two thoughts on that
  3. Being re-sleeved would only make my GERD more intense, so this is really not an option
  4. Prior to ever being sleeved I didn’t even know the DS existed and I wish today I didn’t know it existed either, but I do and I am just concerned that I won’t be successful at it because what the DS offers to those who are morbidly obese is the beauty of restriction AND malabsorption, crazy amount of malabsorption to be exact and for those who chose this life, God bless you. I have a dear friend on FB who is a sleeve to DS and she has been a wealth of knowledge and insight throughout this journey. Truth be told she and one other girl are the only 2 nice DS people I’ve come into contact with on this journey. But I get it, it’s a super risky surgery offered to individuals who are willing to travel to see some of the best bariatric surgeons in the United States, so I get it. I just finally realize that it’s not the right surgery option for me. Maybe back in 2014 it would have been, but I can’t look back, I can only move forward.

So the phone call has been made to my surgeon’s office, poor guy is probably thinking I’m nuts. I’ve left a message with his surgery scheduler and after posting this blog I’ll message his Physician Assistant to say, “hey yeah I think you are right, I want to trust you and go with what you are offering” not because it’s easy or because he’s in close proximity to me (which he’s not, he’s a 2-hour drive away), but because I think, after much research I can see myself being very successful at the Roux en Y gastric bypass.

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