Pain

Pain

Debilitating

Crippling

Paralyzing

 Physical Pain

Pain changes a person’s character, I truly believe this because I’ve lived it. For approximately 14 years I lived in chronic, nagging, ongoing, at times intense to the point I needed to be either seen in the ER and treated with an IV full of diladid or physically put in the hospital PAIN. I can’t even begin to describe the form of pain I lived with accurately. It was like someone was just continually jabbing their finger into your rib cage over and over and over and wouldn’t stop, can you imagine how over time that may drive you almost to the point of insanity? That’s how I lived and to cope during these years, the only things that would dull the constant jabbing ongoing poke/pain was either to drown myself in whatever prescription medication would knock me out for hours at a time or food. The junkiest, greasiest, sugariest food would atleast numb the onslaught of pain for a while at least and I could make it through another couple of hours.

Now imagine this description happening in the location of your head. This is the best way I can describe the pain associated with a migraine, this constant jabbing, at time sharp pain that at times could be dull, but other times could be furious and could leave you feeling like you are going insane. It’s no way to live! The day I looked in the mirror and I saw this girl whose body suddenly weighed over 300 pounds, and she was dying from the pain her body was experiencing. She looked exhausted, tired and quite frankly dead on the inside.

I knew I needed something drastic, that I just couldn’t live in this state of being any longer. So I began my journey toward having the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. It wasn’t the surgery option my surgeon suggested for me, she wanted to do bypass, but truth be told, I was to scared to do that. So I moved forward with the sleeve. Now I’m not going to say anything bad about the sleeve. Sure I have never felt like my sleeve was “right” I’ve always felt like I could eat more than an average sleever, but I was losing weight. I went through a long season where my focus was to get under 200 pounds, I was even obsessed with it, and it drove me.

Here’s the funny thing, if you’ve been following my journey at all you know how obsessive I’ve become with the “number” but now that I’ve regained 31 pounds, I just said to Jeff the other day, “ I could be very happy hanging out between 206-215” and I truly meant it….because

I’m no longer in pain!!  head pain that is

I no longer have 15 or more migraines a month and the sleeve and my new lifestyle has done that…God has used this sleeve journey to eradicate my body of this constant, dull, nagging, ongoing head pain

But

Now I have that same pain happening in my stomach

I’m not sure why all of a sudden it seems to have intensified?

My thoughts…..

Because we’ve finally stopped moving long enough for my body to say, “hey remember me, I was giving you problems in Rolla that you were going to address in Houston, but didn’t?
Yeah, see I’ve been complaining to Jeff for months, way back in Rolla that something was just OFF in my stomach that my surgeon that I hated didn’t do my sleeve right and I needed to have it checked out once we moved to Houston.

Well Houston came and went and life ran askew and I never did get that “stomach thing” checked out in Houston. Rather, I just ran the acid reflux that was intensifying by my PCP who graciously increased my pantropazole dose to 320mg daily

Problem solved?

I thought so

Until it wasn’t…..

Then we got to Ohio

The stress of the move, getting kids settled into a new school, settling into living with parents again started moving into place and my body began hurting, my stomach began hurting. It started like that finger jabbing lightly at first, and I just ignored it

Because after all, I’ve ignored it for over a year now, what’s another little while?

But then

My PCP said NO WAY to the 320mg of pantropazole…..it’s too high, dangerous in fact

And that was the last straw that my already delicate stomach could handle, it was like a dam broke and my body just said forget it, I’m done…I’ll just be over here giving you fits of pain until you can’t ignore me any longer!!

Just being off that dosed has unleashed a firestorm of pain, mostly in my right upper quadrant.

At this point. Unable to ignore it, I spent Friday night in the ER and you know what?

It scared me to death!!!
I’ve never been diagnosed with PTSD, but I would imagine that what I experienced, going into the ER, having a shot of diladid, “sleeping it off” the next day, this whole experience immediately transported me back to my migraine/pain days and IT SCARED ME TO DEATH!!!!!

My blood tests and Cat Scan were normal, so I’m scared that I could be gastritis or something worse.

Tomorrow I see a bariatric surgeon in Ohio. He has rave reviews. I hope I like him and I hope he can offer me some solutions. I’m not sure how I feel at this point about a provisional surgery, other than terrified!! I know a second bariatric surgery has a higher risk of complications, but can I live with the pain that I’m in at this moment? NO I CAN’T, so what do I do?

I guess only time will tell, but in the meantime, I’m freaking out a bit today and trying not to put the cart before the horse, but that’s me…as my husband ALWAYS says, “Angie you always jump from A to Z”  I just like to be prepared for the worst, because I guess I feel like I’ve lived the worst and I’m so ready to live the rest in peace, happiness and health, is that even possible???

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