Well It’s About Time You Got It….DUH!!!!

Well it’s been just shy of a month.

A month would be February 20 to be exact, one month from when I started to carb cycle. Remember I said I would reveal what I was doing once I figured out if it worked or not…..well here goes…

I thought carb cycling would be the golden ticket to help me get the regain I’ve experienced off. And for a fleeting second it seemed like it might just be the golden ticket, but I can assure you after almost a full month.

 IT IS.NOT!!!!

How do I know this?

Well in that month, I’ve managed to lose TWO pounds…..um what?

TWO….

not cool and definitely NOT OK with me.

At the start of this journey on Jan. 25, I told myself I would be happy with a 5 pound loss a month.

After all, I’m way passed the honeymoon period of bariatric surgery and should just be thankful for any loss at this point, right?

WRONG…..

Two is just unacceptable.

I work too hard in the gym for only a two pound loss a month, but I didn’t realize this would tick me off like it has until it happened….now I know….

 BUT what got me even more convinced that this just won’t work for me is when Jeff took my measurements. Again he did this roughly one month ago. Now keep in mind when he took measurements in January I hadn’t been lifting weights for about 2 months, so I felt flabby and just didn’t like my body. This new revelation, at that time, spiraled me down a course that led me to where I’m at with my goal’s today, which I’ll get to in a minute. My measurements hadn’t really changed!!! I lost ½ inch in my thigh, but big deal. I hadn’t been lifting in TWO months, I expected there to be a bigger change and I was floored.

I even said to Jeff, “well the scale better be down tomorrow or I’m going to flip!!” So when I hopped on the scale for my Saturday morning weigh in yesterday and the scale was only down TWO pounds, I spent my 30 min drive to the gym talking to God about where I was at with my nutrition and body image issues. I’m sure to any passerby I look a little mentally ill as I literally talk out loud, but hey that’s how I communicate with God…..anyway, I feel like He directed me back to what I know works and that’s the plan that I was following when we lived in Rolla. I’ve been fighting it tooth and nail to get away from it because it was so boring and monotonous BUT the reality is….it works, my body likes it and responds to it. Now what I think I’ve learned since I’ve been away from this plan is how to incorporate other aspects in, basically not be so Nazi about it. So I’ve decided to return to my 5 meals a day, high protein, moderate carb, low sugar plan the change I’m making is going to be adding cheat meals in more frequently than 21 days a year. This worked for me the first year after bariatric surgery and I think it’s important in that first year, but now that I’m 2 years out, I need to find what works for me for the rest of my life. 21 days a year is just a bit too restrictive for me. On Chris Powell’s Carb Cycling plan, which I love him and still think his plan is great, it just doesn’t work for me personally. He has a couple of cheat meal options, but they both include weekly options and I like this concept, however, while I was doing his plan I only lost TWO pounds….so weekly seems to be out of the question for me

At this point, I’m still brainstorming how I’ll include cheat meals,  I’m thinking every 10 to 15 days enjoy something off my plan like a burger and fries, ice cream or pizza…..basically dirty carbs….haha Because something I’ve learned is that I do love my dirty carbs, but who doesn’t? They are wicked evil good! I think in moderation and for me planned I can enjoy them. I feel like I work my butt off pretty hard in the gym I would like to enjoy an occasional treat now and then, nothing crazy, just something moderate.

Another revelation I had while driving that I think will be an ongoing revelation……I really felt good at the weight of 210.

In fact, I couldn’t remember exactly until I saw the picture I’ve posted here. I remember this day like it was yesterday. That T-shirt I bought when we lived in Fort Myers, Florida (probably the happiest time of our lives) and the material was a hard non-stretchy material so it was a true size large, but it ran small, so in reality it was probably more a women’s medium. I remember I didn’t try it on and when I got home, it wouldn’t even go over my head because at that time I weight 280, but I was determined to not get rid of it and it became my “goal” clothing item. You know the one piece of clothing that you refuse to get rid of because there will come a day, come hell or high water that you will get back into it!! Well that day for me was almost 10 years later but I got into it and I remember feeling so amazing for about a minute, but at that time I was so hyper focused on getting under 200 pounds I couldn’t enjoy these amazing milestones. Of course now looking back I think, “you were such and ungrateful brat Angie!!” but this picture serves to me as hope. Hope that I can get there…..that I will get there….that my body is capable of getting there AND this picture says to me….”eat boring and monotonous because look how worth it, it will be!!”

So I’m in the process of shifting my thinking back to these two key concepts:

Food IS Fuel….nothing more, nothing less

And we must

Eat to LIVE not live to eat

When I step out of this thinking my thoughts on food get really murky, sure maybe it’s an eating disorder, I don’t know and at the moment I don’t care, all I know is that when I start indulging outside of these concepts I gain weight and for me weight gain makes me VERY  VERY unhappy!! I’ve come too far to go down at only losing 80lbs total!!

My little car trip/conversation with God yesterday helped me refocus on what I really want out of this journey and this is what I came up with…..here goes

My Goals:

  • I want to lose 25lbs over the course of the next 4 months, that puts me at losing a little less than 8 pounds a month and I’ll admit I’m a bit scared that my body won’t indulge me on this one, but I’m really praying that it would. Losing 25 pounds would put me at 210 (yes I’m currently at 235….***gasp***ok now that that’s sunk in, let’s move on)
  • I plan to resume lifting heavy weights in the gym 6 days a week, like I did at MetroFlex in 2014 for the purpose of building muscle and losing inches. I want to be back in a size 10 pants at 210 and I don’t think this is unreasonable because at 235 I’m in a baggy size 14/tight size 12. Let’s keep in mind I started in a size 24 (tight)
  • I plan to eat FIVE meals a day, with my first meal within 30 minutes of waking. I haven’t decided if I really want to go back to scrambled eggs in the morning yet. I’m still kicking and screaming at this one, but by Monday I bet I’ll be eating scrambled eggs for breakfast….haha
  • I will be drinking a gallon of water on most days, as my sleeve allows as this is always tricky and requires careful maneuvering. I will however, never get less than 12 cups of water a day. I find that anything less than 12 with my workout schedule and I feel so thirsty by 5pm I could drink a fountain before bed and usually do which then has me running to the bathroom all night.

This is the first time since we left Rolla that I actually feel motivated, like really motivated to get this weight off and stick to this meal plan. I feel really excited to start on Monday and I’m ready to tackle this beast now. I don’t think I was ready to fulyl embrace what I had when I had it in Rolla because I was so focused on making sure I got under 200 pounds with my bariatric surgery within that first year that I couldn’t enjoy the process. Now that I’m at the 2 year mark, I feel like OK I can do this, BUT this time I WILL enjoy each milestone, each victory and when I get caught up in my head I will remind myself how far I’ve come. For example, I caught myself yesterday as a matter of fact getting on my own case about being at 235 and only 80 pounds lost from 315 and instead of staying in that negative head space I said, “NO Angie, think of when you weighed 315, do you remember how you felt? You would have given ANYTHING to weigh 235 at that time……and that’s the truth. When I weighed 315, I was MISERABLE, depressed, felt lethargic, and didn’t want to leave my house, shoot didn’t want to have sex with my husband because I was such a fat slob.

But now I am up EVERY DAY at 4:40 AM and on my way to the gym 6 days a week and I absolutely LOVE IT, absolutely LOVE IT….see my previous post  about how the gym has helped literally save my life. Anyway, so I started focusing on what I’ve accomplished in the last couple of years and sure I’m not where I want to be at weight or measurement wise today, BUT I’m certainly a lot farther along than I was at mentally even when I weighed 210 in Rolla. Today I’m more grateful for this crazy LONG journey to get to a mentally happier, healthier version of me!!

 

We are what we repeatedly do, Excellence therefore is not an act but a habit ~ Aristotle

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s