As I’m settling into life in Ohio, I’m struck by the fact that I feel less wound “tight as a drum “here.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why this is over the last few days and I honestly think it’s because my “heart has finally found it’s home” Someone said this quote on my Facebook the other day and I really liked how it sounded because that’s exactly how it currently feels!!
There is something to be said about living among a group of people that make sense to you, no? And for each of us it’s different.
For me, it’s most definitely small-town Midwest America.
It’s funny to me really because I NEVER thought I would EVER admit that or in fact, even really knew that about myself until I moved to Houston and absolutely hated it! Now I can appreciate all the small towns across the Midwest I’ve lived in.
What’s even funnier to me, is that when we visited Jeff’s family last Christmas they had just moved to this area of Ohio, which is VERY rural Ohio/West Virginia area I thought to myself, “Wow Rolla feels big compared to here! I could NEVER live here long term!”
Now I just chuckle because not only are we here, but I’m actually enjoying it!!
Here you have to really work for the things you want……for example…..I want to work out 6 days a week so that now requires me to drive 30 miles to the closest gym. Sure it’s a pain, BUT I can tell you a few things about this drive.
- It’s NOT a 6 lane highway, just a 2 lane normal paced highway that people actually drive the speed limit.
- I’m starting to enjoy this time to myself, to pray and have some time to think, it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite moments of the day
- The gym is a YMCA and without fail, daily at least one senior citizen “regular” is saying “good morning” or something to the effect, “wow you really are working hard!”
- And just think when I reach my goals how much sweeter the victory will be because I had to work so hard to achieve them?
Now granted I don’t know if ALL Midwest states are like this because my experience is just with Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Missouri, but I bet it’s safe to assume they are similar.
Anyway, all of this to say, for the moment I feel happy and at peace, which makes my ongoing battle of weight loss and living a fit and active lifestyle a little easier too!!
I wrote in my last blog that my goals have shifted and I had come to a place that if I only ever weighed between 211-215 wearing a size 10 jean I would be happy and that is still very true, but in the last blog post I don’t think I was totally honest with myself. You see, in that same sentence I also said that I wanted to take this next year and lost 50 pounds. Well losing 50 pounds would put me well out of the 200s and while that would be fantastic! I just don’t have the energy, drive or commitment to chase that anymore….I just don’t. I’ve been chasing 157 and 180 for almost 2 years now and the closest I’ve come to it is 207 and that took some serious work with crazy dieting, which I’m no longer willing to do, the crazy dieting to get there that is
All of this to say, my goals haven’t changed…..really……I’m just trying to get more honest with myself and in return more honest with you, my readers.
My goal is to continue to lift weights 6 days a week because I LOVE it and because I can already tell after a week my body is changing….sure it might just be mental, but that’s ok. Side note: I couldn’t find my tape measure to have Jeff take measurements before I started, which I’m totally bummed about, but it wasn’t worth NOT starting to lift weights, so once we find the stupid thing I’ll have him take measurements and hopefully be encouraged!!
As far as nutrition…….ugh it’s just the bane of my existence I swear!! Always has been. It’s my battle. I battle myself daily with it. This Christmas with our move I got thrown way off course and I haven’t reigned it in fully yet. Of course, I’m trying to find some “freedom” too, but I’ll be honest I don’t know that I’ll be able to ever have daily freedom. When I wrote last, since I was only aiming for the low 200s, I had decided to use My Fitness Pal’s calorie counts to achieve that weight loss and MFP’s numbers were high, especially for a bariatric person. Well I’ve used those numbers as a way to give myself permission to eat what I call kinda crazy, but what the outside world would call “normal” Yes my thinking on this subject is still very screwed up and as I fumble my way through this process, I intend to be butt honest here, so bear with me……
Here’s where I’m at with nutrition……
I know what to eat to lose
Heck I paid A LOT of money to find out this information.
I’ve had a Facebook bariatric friend give me a whole plan…..trust me I know what to eat….
I guess I’m just kind of rebelling.
No I’m not eating crap every single day, not at all, but I have let things like:
An occasional donut or 2 waltz back into my life
A bowl of cereal with unsweet almond milk rotate into my week
A cheeseburger WITH the bun AND homemade fries
But here’s the thing, I don’t know that I DON’T want those things to be a part of my life? I just haven’t decided on HOW or WHEN they will be included? I gues….s here’s my justification for them. I enjoy them….period. I work my ass off 6 days a week in the gym, which I also enjoy. So if an occasional “cheat” food is indulged in what’s the harm? I don’t know maybe I’m asking out loud, maybe it’s rhetorical, either way, it’s where I’m at, but I can tell you this I definitely don’t feel the guilt that I used to or the push of a time frame like I once did. My goal for 2016 is to lose 38lbs. This loss would put me at 197 which would be exactly 100 pounds lost from my day of surgery start weight of 297. Keep in mind my surgeon’s goal was 222. I have always and will continue to count my weight loss from my highest starting weight of 315, the day I sought out bariatric help. But I can’t lie, I would be pleased at 197, however I will also be quite content at 211-215 in a size 10 jean. So that’s where I’m at. As far as nutrition and weigh ins. I’ve decided to weigh in on Wednesdays for a while. I’ve done research and it all says this is the best day of the week to weigh in. So I’ll start calling it my “Weigh In Wednesday” and will keep you posted. I weighed in last Wednesday and since I had just started my period I didn’t really “count it” if you will because I typically gain about 3-5 pounds during this time of the month, BUT I’m happy to report that the scale was only up 1.8 pounds, so I’m REALLY REALLY hoping for a loss this next Wednesday, but if not I’ll tweak some nutrition/calories and be on my way.
So all in all, it feels really good to be getting back to myself in an area of the U.S. where I feel the most at home. There is truly nothing like it!