Wow it’s been awhile since I have been able to sit down and put my thoughts down on paper. I’ve missed it!! There are a handful of things I really enjoy in this life and writing/blogging is one of them. I don’t consider myself worthy of publication or anything, but I enjoy writing. It’s definitely needed and part of my mental process in this life. It keeps me sane.
So I thought I would bring my ten readers up to date of my life happenings…..thoughts on topics that have my current attention…..so here goes….
Jeff is still without a job.
Now normally this situation would have me in a panicked tailspin, but I feel like we’ve been here before. This isn’t our first layoff rodeo. Jeff lost his job in 2005 and we were in a much different life position at that moment in time. Fast forward 10 years and Jeff now has a degree, we are financially farther along than we were 10 years ago.in 2005, we had only been married for 5 years, and in those first 5 years, dealt with a brain tumor, 2 high risk pregnancies, losing a house, moving away from family, and losing a job. Needless to say, our marriage was falling apart, we were drifting apart as we were simply just trying to keep our heads above water. Fast forward 10 years, I think this time in our marriage we are recognizing a lot quicker our tendencies to grow aggravated with each other (since we are under each other’s feet now more so than if one of us was working), we are learning to extend each other grace. Sure it’s not easy, and it requires a lot of work and PRAY, but I feel like our marriage is stronger than it has been in a long time, which is so ironically awesome.
Slow and steady wins the race, right? So I have some thoughts on this topic for sure!! I’ve come to realize I was so hyper focused on the amount of weight I lost in the first year following surgery, so hyper focused on losing 100lbs in that first year, afraid that if I didn’t lose it in that timeframe it somehow wouldn’t come off. I was desperate to do whatever it took to get it off. So I ate very monotonously, very bland food and did in fact reach my 100lbs lost, but I was so obsessed about not breaking 1200 calories for fear that my weight loss would stop or I’d start gaining, I didn’t stray often or ever from my little calorie restricted bland diet. I was lifting weights 6 days a week and doing cardio 6 days a week. I was on a plateau I just couldn’t break out of the 214 weight range and I was losing hope of ever getting below 200 pounds let alone down around 150, so when I started working with a nutritionist in Houston and she put me on a plan where I didn’t have to count a single calorie, I felt so much freedom. Then just before I stopped working with her (it ended because Jeff lost his job and I couldn’t afford to continue to) I started figuring out how many calories I was eating on her plan and suddenly realized that I was eating WAY more than 1200 calories AND I was losing weight, granted not fast, but I was losing.
Then all the craziness happened with my grandma’s death, travelling back for her memorial service, craziness with my sister, being way off my workout routine and I gained 31 pounds, yes I freaked out. Suddenly I was back up to 240 and I was NOT a happy girl. I was feeling very depressed. I had just lost the woman who was my anchor and I was sad, but unwilling to spiral out of control, so I found this Facebook bariatric group who help people who have had surgery who’ve regained weight get back on track. In fact their plan is called BOT (Back on Track) I started this way of eating the end of September and I’m down about 10ish pounds. Oh and as a side note, I’m only weighing once a month now, more on that in another post at a later time. I also had a major revelation that I put the cart before the horse so to speak when it comes to lifting weights and exercising. I think I jumped the gun. I started lifting heavy about 6 months post op and now there are two schools of thought on this topic. One (more bariatric world) you lift weights, you won’t lose weight, you won’t get to your goal weight etc. And for over a year I didn’t give them an ounce of my attention. Then the other school of thought, the more fitness/bodybuilding world. Lifting weights is a good thing blah blah blah and yes I get all the reasons why. Heck I weighed 250 and I was in a size 14, 210 and in a size 10, so I get the logic. Muscle weighs more than fat and takes up less space etc. I was living proof as I was in a smaller sizes of clothing but the scale was reading heavier than I wanted.
Something really clicked for me when I was saying goodbye to my nutritionist. I just have so much respect for her personally. Since I had to stop working with her due to Jeff’s job loss, I asked her what would be her departing words of wisdom. Here’s a woman who is highly educated, works with the bariatric community AND competitive bodybuilders and athlete. Anyway, she recommended that I focus on cardio until I get within 10 to 15 pounds of my goal weight and then resume weight training that I’ve lifted weights (over a year and a half) and that once I begin to lift again my muscle which has memory will “kick” in and come back. So that’s what I’m currently going with. So I’m all about cardio. Now some people (mostly in the bodybuilding arena) say that someone who loses weight through cardio alone is “skinny fat” and in their world this is true, but I’m not in their world and for the first time in the last almost 2 years I’m FINALLY good with that!! I’ve decided that YES the number on the scale IS important to me and you know what? That’s A OK. I had bariatric surgery to lose weight, to get to a number on the scale. I’ve been treading water trying to fit into a world that I didn’t belong in, trying to reach goals in that world that I never intended to reach or set out to reach in 2013 when I began looking into surgery as an option and I lost sight of that for well for this entire time. I can honestly say that since June when I stopped all the craziness of EVERYTHING….crazy eating like a flipping bodybuilder (which I am NOT nor do I want to be) crazy lifting heavy weights, something clicked in my brain that I am a SLEEVER and guess what? I CAN be and ATHLETE AND a SLEEVER at the same time, which is what I intend to do. I will run a 5k, this is a goal that I haven’t lost sight of, it’s just going to take me a lot longer to do than I originally anticipated as I’m working with a 41 year old body that’s been morbidly obese for a lot of years not to mention pretty darn sick, but I’ll do it one day, I might be 65 when I go it, but I WILL do it!!
My current cardio passion is rowing. I NEVER thought I would see the day where I would enjoy this brutal workout but not only is it a great calorie burn it’s also a great challenge and that something I know about myself. I need to be challenged or I get bored.
So there you go, a little insight into my current thoughts. I’m just over here figuring out who I am and my new perspective on life….So let me introduce myself….
My name is Angie
I’m a 41 year old married mom of 2
Disabled, stroke, brain tumor, chromic migraine sufferer
Just a girl who has overcome morbid obesity through bariatric surgery
A girl who enjoys 5:00am cardio sessions at the gym where sweat drips off the brim of her hat when she’s done!!
A girl who hopes to inspire others to live an active, fit lifestyle though her blog and Instagram, Facebook posts
Just a girl who is thankful every day when she opens her eyes that God has allowed her to have another day on this earth to not only parent her children but to encourage and inspire those around her.