Ebb and Flow

So I’m currently sitting at Starbucks on a Sunday and this is not my typical routine. It’s raining today and for those of you that know me, know I do NOT drive distances or to unfamiliar places in the rain. It’s just too hard to see, so we opted to skip church today. Jeff is still laid up and I didn’t know where to go to church. That’s been one of the hardest parts of not feeling settled here in Texas is not digging into a church. Oh well, maybe someday we’ll be settled. I’m hoping by the time I’m 45 we’ll be settled, that gives us a couple of years anyway!

But in the meantime, I’ve had some major revelations this week. Here they are:

So right after bariatric surgery in Feb 2014, I wasn’t completely prepared to deal with the head hunger or actually feeling hungry. I just assumed that I would NEVER feel hungry, I mean, wasn’t having the VSG supposed to remove that hunger hormone?

I don’t feel like I was prepared well by my program or given info about how to deal with head hunger. I was only told NOT to eat more than 1200 calories, but really less was better and my surgeon (remember I hated her?) was anti lifting weights, anti-anything other than cardio. At the time, I thought she was crazy and that I somehow knew better, you know with my advanced knowledge of a healthy lifestyle…..smh  This thought in and of itself could be it’s own blog post, I mean come on how delusional I was, I was morbidly obese thinking somehow I knew better than my surgeon?  Anyway, I digress

You know that I’ve been frustrated with the regain that I’ve dealt with since August, emotional eating all of that. Yes life has been stressful and a chaotic ride. I’ve blamed everything else, our move to Texas, rude Texas people, my grandma’s death, crazy family drama, etc, etc, etc. While yes all of those things are true. NONE of those things forced me to put crap into my mouth, I did that all on my own. I was to blame for my regain and NEVER reaching my goal weights of 180 & 157.

I don’t know how it really happened to be honest, but this revelation came in the form of “Angie, hello, you  are armed with all sorts of nutritional knowledge that you’ve learned over the last year, you’ve been given free advice, paid for advice, you know how to exercise and do what is necessary, but the thing you are forgetting about is you’ve also had surgery and now have a “tool” so why not start using that to your advantage?”

I know this may seem elementary to all my bariatric readers, but it seems revelational  to me.

I mean COME ON ANGIE, let’s figure this out. So about this time, somehow this 5 day pouch test thing came into my radar. Now granted I had been against such things, thinking I knew better…..well guess what, I DON’T.

This humbling thought of “I don’t have a clue what the heck I’m doing from a bariatric perspective” hit me hard. So I decided to check it out and low and behold 5 days after starting it, I lost 7.5lbs….um what?!!!!

I felt like I was onto something here. So I did further research because I have about 50-74lbs I could easily lose and be just fine with. Wouldn’t it be something if I actually hit my goal weight for the first time EVER applying a bariatric eating approach?

I kinda just chuckle at the thought of it. It seems about right and par for my course in all honesty. I’m not going to lie, it’ll be hard. I SUCK at dealing with head hunger and am open to suggestions on how to deal with it. At the current moment, I chew A LOT of gum. Anyway, I have NO real clue if this will work long term, but I have to try and see. I know other bariatric people who have had a lot of success following this plan. So today is my day one and I will keep you posted. But the purpose of this post today is to convey is that I’m coming to terms fully with the fact that my brain is full of knowledge on eating healthy but this is the first week that I am embracing being a bariatric patient, not only embracing, but being proud of it for the first time in a year and a half. It’s a choice I made for me. A choice that I am proud of because I fully believe it put me on the road to health. This is the first time I’m not only embracing it, but going to start eating like an actual bariatric patient and I don’t need your judgement about this choice.

It’s funny how life ebbs and flows and I feel like this ebb and flow has me appreciating this tool I’ve had created in my stomach, now to put thist puppy to work!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s