I wanted to share about my last counseling session because in all honesty, for me, it was profound.
So the purpose of this counseling is to help me deal with people in my life who tend to use me as a doormat and then when they are done with me, throw me away as if I meant nothing to them, primarily my sister. I don’t kow why my relationship with her is so toxic, but it definitely is. I get caught up in thinking she cares about me and I lose sight of the fact that eventually that smoke screen will disappear, usually leaving me devastated. This has gone on for years and years, this cycle. She blames me for everything, but mostly for transferring to her college and moving in with her old roommate. She blames me to THIS day, that I ruined her life because “I’ve always had to take care of you!” Yes I was a mess in my first couple years of college. I was completely devastated by a breakup and unable to really cope. I was depressed to the point of feeling physical pain. So yes I transferred, thinking I’d atleast have my sister (HA) our parents at this time lived in Italy and I wasn’t speaking to my dad’s side at this point, so I felt very alone. Silly me for not thinking having a relationship with my sister was somehow selfish, but you know what they say, “hindsight is 20/20” and if I could do it over again, rewind the years, I would NEVER have transferred, I would have stay put at the University of Louisville and sought out mental health help, but I didn’t. I can’t go back and change it and I certainly have been paying for me longer than I was actually at the University of Kentucky. Anyway, I digress. All I’m saying is that I am SICK and TIRED of allowing her to make me feel like I’ve somehow damaged her.
So back to counseling…….I’ve only met with this counselor, Amy, twice so far and in that time her insight has been what my Missouri counselor has said about my sister. So moving forward, I need to learn how to interact with my sister, if at all.
Amy said, “Angie let me tell you a word story and you tell me what you would do…” I said, “OK”
She started,” have you heard the turn, “don’t get your pants in a bunch?” it means someone is out of sorts…..
“Imagine you are standing in line at Walmart and you notice the lady in front of you as managed to tuck her skirt into her underwear, revealing she has a massive wedgie, would you go up to her and pick that wedgie out?”
Me: “OMG no, that would be an invasion of personal space, I may tell her quietly to take care of it, but I would never put my hands on someone to do it”
Amy: “OK, no imagine your son is 2 and he’s potty training, you notice that he has his training pull-up, up his butt crack, exposing a massive wedgie, what do you do?”
ME: “I go pull that out”
ME: “because he’s my son”
Amy: “right because he’s your son and it’s your responsibility to take care of him”
Amy: “Your son’s wedgie is your business, you are in charge of helping him when he needs help, but the lady at Walmart, that’s not your business, it’s not your responsibility to pull that lady’s wedgie out”
I don’t know why, but this word story was so freeing to me!! You see I’ve been making things that aren’t my responsibility, mine. It’s not my responsibility when my sister is out of sorts, to pull her wedgie out!
Amy said, now we are going to work on me taking my power back, meaning, learning how to respond differently when my sister pushes my buttons…..oh boy, does she have her work cut out. But in the meantime, I won’t be picking any wedgie’s out of bottoms I don’t have responsibility for!!