Navigating My Crazy Life

It seems like when it rains it pours, or at least for me here lately this I a true statement.

Sometimes I just want to stand up and scream, “GET A LIFE!!!!!” but I don’t, and instead I just sit back and sometimes hold my tongue, that’s my goal anyway.

See I’m the type of person who gets really ticked off when I feel like someone has violated me in some way, but especially when I feel emotionally violated. What do I mean?

I feel like when people who should be close to me, ie: friends or family members, give me their two cents about their beliefs instead of thinking the best of me. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, so let me break it down for you…..here goes

My family are all Christians. My immediate family and I differ greatly on our theology however. I tend to be more “conservative” where they tend to be more “charismatic” Now I realize this and I respect our differences. Meaning, I don’t make issues out of issues that we differ on. I don’t confront them on things that I disagree with them on. I figure it’s not my place. At the end of the day, I believe we’ll all go to heaven and that’s what truly matters, that and sharing Jesus with others. So I leave things alone.

I just wish they could have this same respect for me, but they don’t….

.Instead, a couple weeks ago, I was Facebooked that doing yoga “is a bad idea” because in their world yoga=demons and opening yourself up to demons. Now normally I would have been fired up and written how I really feel about it back in the message BUT my husband is CONSTANTLY telling me not to engage that behavior. So when I received this message, yes I was irate and ticked off, but I listened to the little voice in my head…”go tell Jeff” So I went to my husband and asked him, “how should I respond?” to which he said, “just say ok thanks” and leave it at that…..now understand this goes COMPLETELY against everything that I would normally do and I realized that anytime I did what I would normally do it would blow the situation up…..so this time I took my husband’s advice and just said, “ok thanks” and left it at that. There was so much peace in the situation that I thought, “Hmmm I need to listen to Jeff more closely in the future” Especially when navigating through my crazy family.

Then fast forward to yesterday…..
I’m on a group text with all of my immediate family members and I’ve been sharing what’s going on with Jeff and I here in Texas as well as our house decisions. I should have thought something was up when I sent a message to pray for Jeff to which I got the response from the family member I thought was a friend, “Could you please take me off this group prayer list as I’m trying to find a husband of my own”

Yep I was ticked because this particular family member and I I thought we were close, meaning actual friends…..HA but boy was I slapped with the reality that we are not, yesterday, but I’ll get to that here in a minute. Anyway back to this bizarre text. I then just started texting the other family member individually to avoid this continued dysfunctional interaction.

Then yesterday hit. I spoke to family member #2 (the bizarre txt about a husband one) on the phone and something just seemed “off” when I got off the phone I even thought to myself, “hmm that was odd, I wonder what’s up and what’s going to happen as a result” Sure enough about an hour later, on the group text, we get this message, “hi family, I’m taking a little time out from what’s going on in your lives to focus on mine. Thanks for understanding, talk to you in August”

So I got this message and I was pissed. Why? Because this is the family member who friended over 200+ of my Facebook friends, thus associating herself with me on Facebook (something I could NEVER do to her), the family member, who takes FULL credit for her prayers being the reason God spared my life after my stroke. The family member who I was talking to almost daily since the start of the summer listening to her life and problems. So yes, I assumed we were more than family, but actual friends, then this message and the message a week ago. This ALWAYS happens!!! ALWAYS. And I ALWAYS fall into the trap up feeling like I need her. I need to be close to her because my family is so screwed up. BUT I AM DONE!!!!

I am done with all the crazy dysfunction.

I am done with engaging. What this whole situation has done is make me feel like keeping people, especially family at arm’s length is probably the wisest move in the book.

It makes me sad.

It grieve my heart,

but at the end of the day I can trust my God and my husband and my in-laws, but beyond that I need to protect and guard my heart.

So as I learn to navigate this crazy life of mine. I know that I will mess it up along the way and for the first time in ever I realize that I’ll make mistakes along the way, but my heart is soft and I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong, but I honestly don’t know HOW to deal with all this crazy?

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