It’s amazing what a 90 minute nap and talking to my husband can do for me!
Seriously this morning, I was under serious attack from Satan. This is no lie. I made the mistake yesterday, while at a doctor appointment of looking at the scale. I didn’t mean to!! Normally, I turn and face out (away from the screen) but I wasn’t thinking and didn’t do this. So I saw the number and it FREAKED ME OUT!!! So much so that I woke up this morning, tired dragged myself to the gym and felt pretty worthless for my entire workout. I found myself mentally beating me up while on the treadmill all the while trying to talk to God in the midst of it…..I was a mess!!
When I got off the treadmill, I texted my husband ad said, “hey I need to talk to you when I get home” I fully intended to tell him that I’m giving it another year and IF I’m not at 180 then I want to do a revision to bypass. This was my plan. Because I always freak out when I think the scale is going up!! Not only did I think of this “ultimatum” but I started questioning whether the plan I’m on from my nutritionist is working….I was FREAKED OUT!!!!
So I get home……Jeff sits down, I pour out my hear to him and tell him, look this is where I’m at, if I can’t get below 200 pounds in 2015 I want to have a revision to which he said a resounding NO WAY NO HOW!!!! He made several good points but the two that got me were the fact that nearly EVERY surgery I have, I have massive complications and then what really got me was when he said, “do you know what it’s like for me to get a phone call from a doctor that says, you need to get back to the hospital now b/c your wife is bleeding out and she needs a blood transfusion” He said, “Angie I can’t go through another elective surgery where you might die, you need to make this one work!!
Then he reminded me that Kim told me NOT to weight for 6-8 weeks (which puts me into the middle of Aug) and that I had to have seen the scale at the doctor’s wrong b/c to weight what I thought I saw would mean I gained 6 pounds a day for 9 days!! He said, “Angie there is no way this is possible”
I took a step back and realized he’s absolutely right!! Plus if I weighed what I thought I thought, my clothes wouldn’t be fitting……duh
Then he said, “you do this every time you think you aren’t losing weight, you want to throw in the towel and try something new”
He’s right, and I’m thankful today that I can see this is normally my pattern. Of course it’s taken a year of counseling, but I digress.
So he’s now holding me accountable to stay the course when I think this journey isn’t going right. I will continue to eat on plan. I will continue to STAY OFF THE SCALE and avoid looking at the reading. I will keep on keeping on and I will NOT revise to bypass!!