I’’ve once again gotten caught up in the perfectionistic mode of trying to make sure I’m doing everything right. It didn’t hit me until yesterday when I got an email from my nutritionist saying, “hey you need to slow it down on the number of emails you are sending me a week” At first I felt offended, after all I’m paying her to help me. Then I felt low. Thinking “what the heck is my problem? Oh yeah I’ve had a stroke” and yes that does play into it. I typically ask a lot of questions and have to have things repeated and I ask repeated subjects. BUT at the end of the day, the reason I was sending so many emails to her is because I’m so scared that I’m going to fail at this new approach and I dread the thought of going back to the way I was eating prior to coming to Texas. So I overcompensated, call it the stroke, call it type A, call it what you will, but at the end of the day, I call it sin.
I was not relying on God to see me through. Instead I was relying on this person whom I’m paying to do it. But she can’t! Sure she can give me a base plan and guidance, but I’m not solely accountable to her and I stopped seeing that for a brief moment. I’m solely and fully accountable to God. So how, what and why I chose to eat what I do is all laid before Him and Him alone.
I had forgotten that fact, until it slapped me in the face with her email yesterday. Oh sure I have a ton of thoughts on her email, that I’m not going to share publicly. Instead I’m going to honor her request of only sending 1 email a week and see how that goes. In the meantime, I’ll follow her plan and continue to trust that God has led me to her for help. But at the end of the day when I lay my head down on my pillow at night I know that I am accountable to only God Himself and no one else.