Obesity for a season

So there are multiple reasons why people get fat.

Multiple

So to assume someone is just lazy is the reason behind their obesity, 9 out of 10 times is incorrect.
Sure do I think that individuals with no major health problems have an underlying eating disorder?

Absolutely!!

Sure do I think some people are just lazy and fat?

Yep

But…..

I do NOT think that people WANT to be fat. In fact, I think a lot of times people don’t know how to cope with whatever life is throwing their direction, so they resort to abusing food.

I also think food is the most commonly abused drug in the United States…..AND

The hardest addiction to overcome.

Think about it……

An alcoholic or drug addict can take measures to ensure he or she is not exposed to those substances. BUT we need to eat to survive!! So therein lies the rub…..

So yesterday, I had a comment on a blog post I wrote that the person said something like,” I’ll never eat again the foods that lead to my obesity!” and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure how to take that comment, but after MUCH thought, it’s lead me to today’s blog post….

My own obesity…..

I was not always a fat person. In fact, I never struggled with obesity until I hit around 25, but I’ll get to that in a moment….

Does that mean I’m better than those who are morbidly overweight? HECK NO!!!! Because I to was morbidly obese.

So growing up, I was your average athletic kid, played sports, grew up in a divorced family. We were poor, so I didn’t have a lot of the unhealthy food choices that surround today’s kids, which I’m sure helped me in the long run. Then I got married at age 25 and 6 months later I was diagnosed with a benigh brain tumor. I had surgery in 2002, six months after giving birth to my daughter. So imagine, my 180 pound body, gaining pregnancy weight which put me up around 220ish, only to have 6 months to lose it (which I didn’t) and then undergo brain surgery. Now you may think….”what’s the big deal, a little surgery, you should have bounced back within a year”

Let me explain the actual after portion of the surgery…..

I don’t remember how many days I was in the hospital, but because my brain was swelling I was put on an IV drip of STEROIDS, do you have any idea what steroids do to a person? Bodybuilders use them to GAIN muscle…….operative word being GAIN!!!!

I left the hospital 40lbs HEAVIER than when I went in, sure some of the was fluid retention, but some of it was not, some of it was just how the medications interacted within my body. For several years following that procedure I had the common “moon face” associated with steroid use. Where your face is round with no chin, no neck, no cheeks.

Yes the surgery was successful (removed all of the tumor) BUT the after effect was relearning how to WALK…..literally learning how to NOT walk into walls, so it’s not like the 40 lbs I gained was coming off because I could go to the gym, NO it took me a full year to relearn basic life skills….cooking, cleaning etc.

Oh did I mention I had a SIX month old baby (who was born 6 weeks premature by the way) in the midst of all of this?! So exercise was not apart of the equation at this point.

During this time I was barely keeping my head above water, with having a new baby, a new marriage and a major health diagnosis, I didn’t cope well….

I ate A LOT of chocolate……literally my food of choice at the time was Reece’s peanut butter cups and I didn’t eat one, nope I ate dozens……in a day

I remember my surgery was around Halloween and I would eat BAGS of PB cups

I have now learned that chocolate messes with serotonin in the brain which leads to a calming effect, looking back I realize this is how I coped with all the stress…..I didn’t cope, I ate

And

Ate

And

Ate

So by the time I got pregnant with our son in 2005 I weighed around 250 easy, I reached around 280-300 with my second pregnancy and after giving birth to him I was still plagued with health issues….

Chronic migraines (the kind that would land me in the ER 2-3 times a month or laid up in bed 19 of 30 days a month) and I believe at this point I had an underlying undiagnosed form of depression going on. I should have been happy and thankful but I felt awful about myself and wasn’t coping well so what did I do?

I ate

Then we moved to Florida and I managed to start working out with a personal trainer and even managed to get down to around 260, I was starting to feel good about myself, but then my husband lost his job unexpectedly and we had to move out of the only place since 2000 that provided me with any form of peace. We moved to what I call “hell on earth” Hilton Head South Carolina…..hated living there!!!!!

Thankfully we were only there for 6 months then we moved to Missouri. Once in Missouri, I went back to work, something I hadn’t done for several years due to my health and also having 2 small children at home. So that was stressful, but in the midst of life I was still having MRI checks to make sure nothing was growing in my brain. I would have these MRI checks every 6 months. This ALWAYS conjured up fear

Fear of all the “what ifs”

I always seemed to eat more chocolate or crap around these times. So my weight never really got back down to the 180 frame I was when we got married.

Then in 2009 life as we knew it kinda halted again!!

I was diagnosed with a recurrence of a brain tumor only this time it’s location was too risky to operate. So I began daily radiation therapy to shrink it, which I was told was the only real course of action. So here I was, working part time (my commute time was 45 mins one way and I worked 4pm-12am), going to grad. School full time and in the midst of that alone doing radiation treatment s before I went to work. Needless to say, I didn’t cope well, so I would eat all kinds of crap while I sat in my cubicle at work. Sadly, I probably would have regardless of life stuff just because of the nature of the job and the fact that I could eat privately at my cubicle.

Then as I was approaching my final semester of grad school (December 2009) I suffered a massive stroke. I won’t go into details about this time other than to say, while I don’t remember much of this time frame, I’m sure I didn’t cope well with any of it. In fact, I can tell you from now forward, I have low vision as a result, meaning I don’t see well. I have enough vision to legally drive, but on certain days depending on the weather I don’t drive simply because I can’t see. If you’ve been reading my blog posts you probably notice that sometimes I don’t make a ton of sense, that’s because I also have cognitive issues.

Needless to say, I didn’t return to grad school OR work and life has been hard. I haven’t coped well. I’ve used food to numb my sadness, depression and at times hopelessness.

So getting back to my original point, my obesity was a direct result of the life experiences I’ve encountered and my sheer lack of ability to cope in a positive way with them…..bottom line

Sooooooo will I go back?

I’m sure anything is possible

BUT

I’m doing EVERYTHING in my power to prevent it from happening again.

I’m in counseling and I blog, both of which help get me out of my own head and deal with how I’m feeling…..good/bad/ugly

Donuts didn’t make me fat

Depression while eating donuts made me fat!!!

So where I’m at today is here….

I’m on a mission to be healthy, which means…..

Learning to trust God even when there are days I wonder if He’s really trustworthy

Learning to love myself enough to not turn to food to numb the feelings

And Learning to enjoy food at it’s purest level

So I don’t need your stride or condensing comments about my food choices…..ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I know where I’ve come from and I know where I’m headed, but the question is……do you?

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