This has been a hard couple of days, coming on the heels of hearing that I have an eating disorder to having a low low day (500 calories)….I don’t know if it’s because today is an UP day which means carbs or if I’m actually having a breakthrough, BUT
Today’s revelation is this…….
The God I love with all my heart is a God of FREEDOM. It’s not his heart’s desire for me to be enslaved to food, or numbers.
This kinda hit me hard today. I’ve been so busy being enslaved to:
Food choices….”gotta eat clean or else you won’t hit 100lbs lost Angie”
What will people think of me…..specifically a lady who has been instrumental in my journey
What if I fail……this just equals worry, which is ultimately NOT trusting God.
What if I’m really not good enough…….my own demons that ring in my mind
But God’s heart for me and my life is that none of these things would be happening. That my mind would actually be renewed in this process. So today as I was walking my dog and talking to God, He gave me a peace that I haven’t experienced in a long long time. So I feel like I’m rounding a corner….I’ve come to terms with how much I currently weigh and once I have stable blood pressure I’ll be fine with whatever number I end up at. Now I feel like the real work is about to start for me and that’s the mental and emotional work of excepting myself and learning to love myself