I had a revelation yesterday……I’m thankful I gained the 8lbs I did over our vacation. I know that seems completely odd, BUT bear with me……
I wrote the other day how we went to Houston and I didn’t work out and I ate whatever I wanted without really worrying about it. Yes I learned, I WON’T be doing that again as I gained EIGHT pounds in FOUR days……crazy, but it showed me how quick this ship could sink back into the land of morbid obesity again. So that’s a plus. I know I won’t just eat whatever I want whenever I want. Food needs to be planned….I guess I knew that, but it was definitely reinforced BIG TIME….so for that I’m glad.
So the gain…..why am I thankful?
Besides what I just said I learned, the small gain put me up and I’m currently sitting at 211. Previous to the gain I kinda skipped from 212 down to 209 and I didn’t get to enjoy the in between if you will. You see I was SOOOO focused on losing 100lbs BY my 1 year post op appointment that I didn’t really think much about what it would feel like to hit that goal and get under it. So when I arrived at 102, 103, 104 lbs lost, there wasn’t any fanfare in my brain. I forgot to celebrate every pound over 100lbs lost. I got over 100lbs lost and somehow another 50lbs seemed like the hugest mountain ever.
I guess you could say I had hit some serious burnout. Not burnout in the sense that I was ready to throw-in-the-towel, but burned out with the whole process and I temporarily lost sight of the small victories.
The other thought that struck me and this is big…….noone can look at me and realize I’ve gained 8 lbs. I mean it’s not like someone at the gym can look at me and say, “oh my gosh, she looks like she no longer weighs 209, she MUST weigh about 212” LOL, I mean seriously?!
My worth as a person, a wife, a mother, a human being, is NOT nor will it ever be defined by the number on the scale. This has taken me a year of counseling and serious self-talk to really come to this conclusion. Sure there are days where I get caught up in the number game again, but not like I used to.
So it’s taken me one year to lose just over 100lbs, to realize that my self worth isn’t about how much I weigh, or what size jeans I wear. That the goal of HEALTH is more important that weighing 157lbs.
No I’m not where I want to be……yet. But I’m settling in for the long haul. The first year felt like a crazy sprint, a sprint to hit 100lbs lost.
The second year is going to be a nice LONG jog….