I am different and that’s going to have to be OK!

I’m different.

This has been the prevailing theme of my life, it would seem so today I’m trying to embrace it a little more tightly I suppose.

It’s funny because I would always tell people, “I’m that statistic that is the 1-2% of the population”. Literally, if a medication has a side effect or a medical procedure has a side effect that affects 1-2% of the population, yep that’s me…..so why in the world would I expect that to be any different on this weight loss journey?!! You would think I had gotten this through my thick skull?, but not, I have not….

Like I said, I’m trying to embrace this fact about myself.

So where am I going with all of this???

I’ve been trying to figure out how in the heck to lose another 50lbs. Another 50 would put me at 157, this is the goal weight that I’ve always had in mind since the beginning of this crazy journey. Anything lower is just icing, I figure. So 157 it is…..

I’ve done this journey so differently than most bariatric patients that there isn’t a template for how I’ve walked it. At times this is so frustrating I could cry!!!! But I plug along, trying to remain consistent and engaged in my process. I do feel like after a small detour last week, I am back on track with remaining committed and consistent, so that’s no longer an issue. However, where I’m struggling today is with calories….dun dun dunnnnn

You see, it’s my belief that the bariatric community if about starving ourselves skinny. Yes, I’ve partaken in this philosophy. Ask any WLS patient about how many calories he/she eats and it’s roughly 800-1000. Now, sure if you aren’t exercising, you’ll lose weight because you are starving your body. I did it for a year, I get it. I’ve lost 108lbs doing it that way……I say, to each their own….I’m convinced you have to find your way.

So as I am trying to find my way, I’m thinking to lose another 50lbs, starvation isn’t the way that I’m going to be able to go. Of course it makes perfect sense that I won’t be one of the WLS stats of someone who lost 150+lbs the “typical” way, because hey, remember I’m always the 1-2% of the population….haha

So what am I doing?

I don’t really know at this point.

I committed to only changing one thing a week, so this week’s “change” was adding a second cardio to my Monday/Wednesday/Friday workout days……I weigh tomorrow for the first time since Monday and yes I’m scared (I hate the anticipation of the scale because of all the what if games I play in my head) IF I haven’t lost or worse yet, gained, I’m contemplating increasing my caloric intake, but we shall see.

So as I trudge through this unscripted journey, I will be honest, I’m scared of taking 5 steps backward to go 10 steps forward.

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