I didn’t realize it until yesterday but I’ve been in a funk since Friday. You see I have been weighing every day since February. I did this because I was experiencing great anxiety only weighing every week or so. So I decided to weigh daily and use an app called “Happy Scale” to track my weight and predict when I would hit certain weight goals. It was nice for a while but then it became more of a chore than a pleasure. Then suddenly I gained .3lbs and that threw me into a tailspin and I panicked, which usually means I start freaking out that something I’m doing is wrong. Yes I know, it’s stupid but it’s where I land when my routine stops moving forward. So I got really discouraged and just didn’t care how many calories I was eating. I stayed in this funk until yesterday when I met with my friend for tea. She pointed out that there was a time when I was completely content with the idea that if my weight loss topped out or landed me at 212 I was perfectly fine with that. I had forgotten that I was, at one point, perfectly content with losing only 100lbs. Sure it would be nice to actually get to my goal weight BUT I was seriously content with only losing 100lbs and I had forgotten. Thankfully, I have a friend who was willing to gently point this out to me.
Not only had I forgotten but I also stopped relying on God to allow my body to lose weight. You see, I fully believe that He is in charge of my health and weight loss. I have to believe this or else I would be frustrated on a moment by moment basis. Well not only had I forgotten about being content but I also had forgotten who is in charge!!
So my conversation was a good kick in the pants so to speak.
While yes I want to be content with where my weight loss has currently landed me, I desperately want to trust God that He will allow me to lose to where I need to be healthy. In the meantime, I will be consistent with my exercise and nutrition. I’ll be honest, I kinda freaked myself out with the number of calories I’ve consumed in the last week. Like I said, I got lost for a minute. But also what I’m dealing with in the midst of this craziness is a seriously screwed up menstrual cycle. Like seriously screwed up!!
See when I weighed roughly 180-190 I was diagnosed with PCOS (basically my period became VERY irregular, I would go 65 days+ without a cycle) long story short, I think now that I’m inching closer to those numbers my cycle is becoming irregular again. The only way to “fix it” is to go on the pill, which I will NOT do due to my brain health. My PCP isn’t worried about my cycle, in fact she says not to worry about it until I go more than 6 months without a cycle. So as of yesterday, my last cycle was Jan. 10. It’s been so irregular I honestly wasn’t thinking about PMS simply because I had no idea when or IF it would ever begin. In fact, I was thinking I could be premenopausal, I just had no idea.
HOWEVER, lo and behold, today it all began, which makes perfect sense as to why I was eating a crazy amount of food last week AND why I was in a funk!!
All of this to say, I realize today why it’s absolutely important for me to shift my focus back to being CONTENT, CONSISTENT and CALM!!!! The three Cs, if you will. Because this is what’s going to see me through the valleys while my body seems to have a mind of its own!!