I Give Up!!!!

So it’s taken about 10 months, but I’m FINALLY coming into my body as my counselor put it. I feel like I’ve had a breakthrough this last week, not sure what prompted it, but I’m thankful I’m finally “here”

It struck me last week when I was on the treadmill, I looked down at my legs, hips, waist and thought, I feel thinner…..FEEL being the operative word here. See up until last week, I haven’t been able to put into words my feelings. I’ve been working on this for 10 months. To identify my feelings behind my thoughts. I’m a serious thinker, I think about EVERYTHING, sometimes even overthink. Most people think about how they feel….

I don’t

In fact, I don’t get that at all. So yesterday I was able to put into words how I was feeling with my counselor. The thought struck me the other day, I had been looking for an IPhone app to track my weight loss. I found one, but it says that you should really weigh DAILY in order to track your accurate loss. I gave it a lot of thought (weighing weekly has been an obsessive issue for me) I wasn’t sure how weighing daily could trigger my obsessiveness. Bottom line, it’s a lot of work to weigh daily, I don’t think I will continue doing it. BUT, here’s the conclusion I came to.

I DON”T CARE WHAT I WEIGH today or tomorrow or next month, as long as I’m LOSING!!!

I thought I cared about the number on the scale and to be honest, I have cared and given it way more power than it nerves…..well I give up!!

Today, I officially weigh 222, that’s 93 lbs down from my highest weight of 315, and I think that’s pretty kick butt!!

I’m uber excited to get under 220 because when I delivered my daughter (12 years ago) I weighed 220. I feel like once I get under that weight I’ll be in another dimension of goodness and fun. See that’s the last time I remember feeling really good…..my health was good, I had energy and I felt like I looked good. So even though 220 isn’t the end goal, I’m excited to get there and be there until my body decides to lose more.

I no longer feel trapped by the scale.

I no longer feel bad about myself for being over 200, so what!! I’ll get to a healthy weight.

I feel proud of myself!

I know that I’m doing EVERYTHING right. I eat clean, I train mean, I get adequate sleep and I for the most part have peace of mind. So I give up!

I give up my expectations of obtaining a certain number by a certain time frame. I WILL get to 157, it won’t be this year, but it will be maybe next year and you know what? I’m good with that!

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