Death to Expectation

When I started on this journey of weight loss and health, I subconsciously had a lot of expectations. I didn’t realize how my type A personality would process these expectations. I’m seeing that now.

For example one of the first expectations I had was to be at 215lbs by the time we travel home for Christmas. This would put me at 100lbs lost under 1 year. My surgery weight was 297, but I count my weight loss from the moment I walked through my surgeon’s door weighing 315. I remember that first consult like it was yesterday. I saw my surgeon the Monday after Thanksgiving 2013 and she said, do not gain any weight but instead eat high protein, low carb, 1100 calories. I thought this was crazy. Of course I had NO idea how many calories I WAS currently eating, but I knew it had to be way more than that! Plus we were headed home for Christmas and New Years and I KNEW I would be inundated with lots and lots of food. So I hunkered down and hoped for the best. Sticking as closely as I could to her guidelines. I managed to lose about 6lbs, which was HUGE for me. So I survived last Christmas and New Year’s. My hope was that I would be at 215 by Christmas and New Year’s this year. However, I’m currently sitting at 226 and it’s the beginning of December. My weight loss has been unpredictable. I’m just now getting comfortable with the idea of weighing only twice a month. I’ve been working on in counseling these expectations I’ve placed on myself. Weight loss is not predictable because our bodies aren’t predictable. This is so frustrating to me. I like to know what’s happening from A to Z and this journey has NOT brought that clarity. So here I sit the first part of December and I am trying to come to terms with not being 100lbs lost at Christmas this year. Oh well, I’m 89lbs down, which is HUGE!!!! I have to battle NOT comparing myself to other people, whether on this journey or not. I am proud of how far I’ve come. At this point, I’ve lost a middle school student. I’ve gone from a snug size 22 to a size 12, that’s nothing to balk at!!

So as of today, I’m ok with not being at a 100lbs lost at Christmas. I’ll take what I can get. With my current lifestyle I will probably be around 200 ish and that’s something to be proud of! So death to this expectation.

Now for my second expectation of being at 197 by my 1 year appointment with my bariatric surgeon in Feb. At this point, the first of Dec. I’ll probably NOT be there because while it’s only 29lbs from today, it feels like a mountain. So instead of getting all worked up about reaching this goal, today I’m choosing to just “go with it” You see, I’ve established some excellent habits…..like……daily exercise, eating good quality REAL food, eliminating processed foods, dairy, sugar, grains from my diet. Due to these new habits I FEEL amazing. I no longer suffer from monthly or chronic migraines. So how can I be upset with where I’m at? I can’t!! So I won’t be……

One expectation the bariatric world places on their people is that you lose the most weight in the 12-18 month window following surgery. This has infiltrated my mind a million times over. I hope this isn’t true because I won’t be where I want to be in 12 months. I have no real clue why? Perhaps it’s because I’ve always eaten more than the typical bariatric patient, but I also work my butt off in the gym 6 to 7 days a week, which is more than most bariatric patients. I guess I’m just a slow loser and I’m ok with that. I only occasionally get “caught up” in comparing my journey to someone else’s. When I do that I get very discouraged. But I’m learning that GOD created me, he formed and knit me together. So any

My goal is to get to 149, which is exactly ½ of my surgery weight of 297, of course I would be thrilled to get to 180 or less. I weighed 180 on our wedding day in Sept. 2000. When will I get there? No clue, but I will get there.

3 thoughts on “Death to Expectation

  1. Angie, the route you’ve chosen is different from most bari artic patients. You’ve made that choice intentionally. (And, IMHO wisely). Because of that, you’re results most likely won’t be the same as the ‘typical’ bari atric patients results. But, they are YOUR results. Sometimes I think God uses situations like this to teach us what he knows we need. For example, the belief that we can control anything a to z. None of us can. Only He can. And so He does. And we’re better for it. Love ya, girl!

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